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8:22 AM: Started today with a new
outlook on life. I am completely over Snowball and feel better
than ever (though in a forlorn and dejected sort of way).
Decided to fulfill my New Year’s Resolution of promoting world
peace between cats, dogs and mice. This is my chance to make a
long term contribution to catkind. If I can pull this off, cats
will no longer need to live in fear of dogs.
11:30 AM: Full of enthusiasm I headed
for the park to spread my message of goodwill. The first dog I
bumped into was a huge Alsatian. Perhaps it would have been
better if I hadn’t bumped into him for, as he rubbed his bruised
leg, he said some unrepeatable things about cats in general and
about me in particular. Undaunted, I revealed my plan for cats
and dogs to live in harmony. He didn’t seem to understand for he
began to snarl at me through flesh ripping teeth. Assuming he
was just a bit stupid I repeated my plan slowly and loudly. Even
that didn’t work and before I could get out of the way his
saliva foaming mouth was around my tail. Not exactly a sign of
friendship!
With the most fearful hiss I could manage
under these circumstances, I dug my claws into the mad beast’s
eyes making him release his grip. While the brute barked
profanities, I made my escape. I ran until I was out of breath
and collapsed on the grass. It took me an hour to recover my
dignity.
2:55 PM: Realized that I had been too
ambitious in starting my campaign with such a big dog. It would
be better to start at ground level and work my way up.
Carefully I selected my next convert, a tiny white Scottish
Terrier. He looked so cute and friendly but I soon discovered
that these dogs should really be called Scottish Terrorists!
6:04 PM: Postponed plans for world
peace between cats and dogs but will try to create a treaty
between cats and mice. I positioned myself at a suitable spot on
the canal bank and lay stock-still. Within a few minutes a mouse
came running up from the waters edge. I trapped her gently under
a paw and told her not to be afraid - but she squeaked in panic.
I began to explain my plan but she was so busy trying to escape
she wouldn’t listen. The foolish beast started gibbering on
about some Geneva Convention nonsense. Hitting her on the head
failed to get her attention. By now I was ready to give up -
sadly it looks like there will never be world peace between
cats, dogs and mice. This is such a pity for I felt an inner
compassion for this wee, sleekit, cow'rin', tim'rous beastie. I
felt that, although we were completely different species, we
shared a common bond through the spirit of Mother Earth -
kindred souls in the harsh struggle of life. But, being peckish,
I ate her. With a glow of satisfaction, that I had at least
tried to create world peace, I headed home.
9:50 PM: Tired and aching after a day
of peacemaking I crossed out resolution number eight.
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