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7:00 AM: Stayed awake all night but
not through choice. Scored off resolution number four, “I will
not be afraid of killer – the evil cat who rules the Lane” –
scored it out three times just to make the point. A thousand
horrible questions tortured my mind. What will Killer do to me?
How painful will it be? Can a cat lose all nine lives in one
agonizing go? If Killer had been called Kittykins would he have
grown up to be less aggressive?
7:30 AM: I am in hiding. If Killer
finds me this will be the very last entry in my diary. If so I
hope someone kind finds it and buries it with me.
6:00 PM: I am still alive!
Yippeeeeeee!!! This is the most amazing day of my life – I was
not savagely hacked to pieces by that paranoid, schizophrenic,
egotistical, mega-cruel maniac.
Here’s how I miraculously escaped certain
death.
Early this morning I stole silently out of
the house and crept to my ultra secret hiding place, the garden
shed. I buried myself in my worry blanket and tried to blank out
my mind. This may appear cowardly but appearing cowardly seemed
a much better option than appearing dead. To my dismay, just
before midday Lucky and Snowball turned up at my ultra secret
hideaway to escort me to my death – it’s good having friends in
times of crises. Despite my protests, snarls, scratches and
bites they eventually managed to shepherd me to the Lane to meet
my fate. Killer had not yet arrived, so trembling I waited and
waited and waited. Midday came and went but there was no sign of
my evil executioner. Just as I was about to announce that I was
late for another appointment and would have to go, Snowball
exclaimed that Killer was too cowardly to fight and declared me
champion. She said I was her hero and gave me a big smoochy
kiss. As we began celebrating my historic victory, my friend,
Mungo, arrived to tell us the news – Killer had been hit by a
car. He was seriously injured and was in intensive care.
I was in such a good mood when I came home
that I didn’t even give Skirt the evil-eye for calling me
KittyCuddles. The first thing I did, after eating several tins
of Faux-Mouse-with-Anchovies-in-Salt-Saturated-Brine, was to
rewrite resolution four in big letters, “ I AM NOT AFRAID OF
KILLER – THE EVIL CAT WHO ONCE RULED THE LANE” – I hope being
hit by a car is fatal!
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