2:05 AM: Felt hungry. When I woke my
humans they moaned and groaned pathetically. Eventually Trousers
got out of bed and grudgingly served my food. Really! I expect a
much better service than this! All I ask is that my humans love
me half as much as I love myself - is that so unreasonable?
3:21 AM: Suddenly had the urge to go
for a stroll. I had to meow twelve times before Skirt
bothered to get up to open the door. Sometimes I think all the
hours I’ve spent training my humans have been a complete waste
3:27 AM: Changed my mind about the
stroll – it was too cold outside. Pounded on the back door but
got no response. I had to walk all the way round to the front
and hammer on the bedroom window before I was let in.
3:40 AM: Jumped onto my bed and tried
to rest. The most comfortable spot is on Trousers’ tummy but
every time I climbed up he rolled over. Couldn’t get cozy on
Skirt either. My bed just isn’t big enough for three!
5:52 AM: Couldn’t sleep properly so I
got my humans up for an early breakfast.
6:10 AM: Wanted to play chase but
Skirt and Trousers were slumped on the couch like comatose
voles. Typical, they’ve had so much to eat and drink over the
past few days they’re incapable of carrying out their duties.
6:13 AM: Gave my humans the evil-eye
to let them know what I think of them. In disgust I went to bed
for a short rest.
9:00 PM: Woke feeling great. Sleep
was a great invention.
9:01 PM: Struck resolution number one
off my list. In future I will reward my humans with the respect
they deserve - NONE