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Extracts from the Book

12th January

4:00 PM: Caught a mouse in the back garden. He didn’t want to tour the world and become dead famous. He claimed he was quite
happy living in an old boot in the garden shed. It was only when I threatened to eat him that he realized he did want to be famous.
We started training with a daring stunt in which he puts his head in a lion’s mouth. As there were no lions around I let him use my
mouth. This was probably a bad idea. I got so excited about the stunt going well that I accidentally bit his head off. No great loss.
He was so nervous he would have been a rotten juggler. Decided to become famous at something other than mouse training – mice
are far too ungrateful.

10:20 PM: Tipped the contents of my litter tray all over the kitchen floor as a gentle hint to Trousers.

22nd January

I am still pining for Snowball. Spent the day writing her a love poem.

Snowball you melt my heart.
Snowball, it is you I crave,
For you I would be strong, daring and brave,
For you I would climb the highest tree,
Or swim across the deep blue sea, (if I could swim)
To prove my love I would kill a thousand rats,
Throttle mice and slay vampire bats, (Note: not sure if you get these in Scotland)
To make you mine I would do anything,
Just don’t ask me to fight that evil brute Killer. (sorry, couldn’t find a word that rhymed)

The next time I meet Snowball I will win her affection by reciting my poem. (I find this option much preferable to dueling to the death)

25th January (Catnip Day : 600 years since Catnip (Nepeta Cataria) was discovered
in the deserts of North America.)

Yippeeee!!! It’s Catnip Day!!! Raided the cupboard and ate a month’s supply.

My invisible friend Contessa came to visit – haven’t seen her for about a year. (It’s odd, except for Contessa, I’ve never seen a pink,
six-legged cat). We played chases around the living room and across the ceiling until I felt dizzy with exhaustion. Woke up after a long
sleep and realized what a poor standard of tidiness my humans keep. The living room has overturned tables and broken vases scattered
across the floor and the curtains have been torn from the rails. Humans are so messy.